Ole & the Penguin
Ole replies - "Don't know, give it here"
Lena asks "How do you know?"
Sven and Ole were carpentering on a new house. Sven who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
Ole, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you trowing dose nails avay?"
Sven explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I trow it avay 'cause it's defective.
If it's pointed toward da HOUSE, den I nail it in!"
Ole got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON!!!
Da nails pointed toward you aren't defective!
Dare for da OTHER side of da house!!"
Why did Lena wash her clothes "in Tide"?
Because it was too cold "out Tide".
da great hunt
Sven and Ole were out deer hunting in da big woods up 'bove EauClaire. Dey managed to flush out and shoot a nice, fine, big buck with a spectacular rack. Dey're draggin it back tru da woods to their truck but the rack keeps getting tangled up in da underbrush and dey're having a real hard time.
A game warden stops them to inspect their prize. With everything legal, the game warden congratulates them. he notices the deer's antlers are full of brush and he can see "da boys" have been having trouble. He says, "that's a fine buck ya got but it looks like you're having a lot of trouble dragging it out of the woods. It would be a LOT easier if you drag it the other direction".
The warden leaves and "da boys" try dragging the buck from the other end. They are amazed because now the antlers move freely and don't get stuck in the brush.
Ole says to Sven, "boy dat Varden vas right!, it is a lot easier dragging it dis vay". Sven says "yah Ole, but ve're getting a lot furder avay from da truck."
Ole and Sven are walking down a street in Minocqua WI, when they see a
sign on a store that reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, and trousers $2.50 per pair."
Ole says to his pal, "Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take
'em back at Dulute, sell 'em to our friends, 'n make a fortune. Now when we go in der, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do DA talkin cuz if dey hear yur accent, dey might tink we're ignorant 'n try to cheat us.
No way, dey'll know we're from Minnesota."
They go in and Ole says with his best "Wisconsin" accent, "I'll take 50 of those suits at $5.00 each, 100 of those shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each.
I'll back up my pickup and.."
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Minnesota, ain't you?"
"Vell...yeah," says a surprised Ole. "How'd ya know dat?"
"Because this is a dry-cleaners..."
Here is the largest selection of pig oilers that I have run across at the Calumetville WI tractor show last September. Pig oilers are typically made of cast iron (very heavy), and used by pigs to rub up against and get "oiled" to minimize insect/parasites (plus I figure probably feels pretty darned good!).
Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to Minnesota to have portraits done. One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house.
Inside was a beautiful woman, who asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request of Ole. The woman said money was no object. She was willing to pay $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole asked the woman to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Lena, his missus.
In a few minutes, he returned and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I'll haff ta leave my socks on so I'll have a place to wipe my brushes."
Uff da! Store
Located between Oshkosh and ASS OUT
The Decorah, Iowa bald eagles have successfully fledged
They will be back next winter.\
Click here to see the live webcam:
October 26, 2012: The Decorah Eagles Have Surprised Us With A New Nest
In addition to working on their current nest, the Decorah Eagles have begun building an alternate nest. Multiple nest building is fairly common among Bald eagles and we don't yet know which nest they will choose for 2013. We absolutely cannot install cameras at the new nest tree this year, so we may not see the Decorah Eagles for the rest of the 2012-2013 season. We'll miss watching them online, but it is exciting to see them building their new nest. Once again, Mom and Dad are giving us fresh insights into the lives of bald eagles! Stay tuned for updates and information as the season progresses. If the eagles choose the new nest, we will post images and possibly video to facebook and our blog.
Ole is getting ready to celebrate his 50th anniversary and Sven says,
"Vhat are you going to do for
Ole says "Vell, for my 20th
anniversary I took Lena to Norvay".
Sven says, "Dats nice, so vhat
are you going to do to top dat?"
Ole says, "I tink I'll go pick her up."
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!! It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!
The Aurora Borealis
This amazing video shows the aurora, also known as the Northern Lights, which recently appeared over Kirkenes-Fjell, Norway .
Press the picture and enjoy the 2 minute video!
Subject: VERY Cold Winter
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked
their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old
secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was
going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was
indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect
firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went
to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,'Is the
coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at
the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still
look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be
a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are
you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going
to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied,'The Indians are collecting alot of firewood'
Norwegian Royal Guard.
What a great performance - on ice!
My prayer for 2012 is for a fat bank account & thin body.
And please God, don't mix these up like you did last year.
Ole is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"Dat's it," he tells Lena. "I'm giving up golf. My
eyesight has become so bad dat once I hit da ball I couldn't see vere it
(Once going down and
another coming back up)
Wikipedia: Lutefisk (Norwegian) is a traditional
dish of the Nordic countries and parts of the
Midwest United States. It is made from aged
stockfish (air-dried whitefish) or
dried/salted whitefish (klippfisk) and lye (lut).
It is gelatinous in texture, and has an
extremely strong, pungent odor.
Its name literally means "lye fish."
I just got off the phone with a friend, Lena,
living in northwestern Wisconsin.
She said that since early this morning the snow
has been nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.
Her husband, Ole, has done nothing but look
through the kitchen window and just stare.
She says that if it gets much worse,
she may have to let him in.
Show and Tell
Kindergarteners were instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.
The 1st student got up in front of the class & said, "My name is Benjamin. I am Jewish & this is a Star of David."
The 2nd student got up & said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The 3rd student said, "My name is Tommy. I am Lutheran, and this is hotdish.
Wikipedia: Hotdish is a variety of baked casserole that typically
contains a starch, a meat or other protein, and a canned
and/ or frozen vegetable, mixed together with canned soup.The dish is popular with Lutherans in Minnesota. and Wisconsin..."A traditional main
course, hotdish is cooked and served hot in a single baking dish and commonly appears at family reunions and church suppers."
Ole and Sven are
standing at the base of a flagpole in West Salem, looking up.
Lena was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket near Boyceville, WI. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?' Lena replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge asked her how many peaches were
in the can. She replied that there were six. The judge said, 'Then I will give
you six days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, Ole stood up, and asked the judge if he could say something. The
judge said, "What is it?"
Ole said, "She also stole a can of peas."
If you are ever attacked by
a group of clowns,
always go for
A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!"
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded
weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully - - "thank God we can all still drive"
You may need to be from Wisconsin or the U.P. of Michigan to appreciate this story.
The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman president, who happens to be from Wisconsin. A few days after the election the president-elect, whose name is Susan, calls her Father, Ole, and says, 'So, Dad , I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'
'I don't tink so. It's an 18 hour drive."
'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One.. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'
'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. Vhat would your mother vear?'
Oh Dad ," replies Susan, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom- made by the best designer in Washington ..'
'Honey,' Ole complains, 'you know I can't eat dose rich foods you eat.' Do day serve tap beer ????
The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair will be handled by the best caterer in Washington; I'll ensure your meals are salt free. You and mom just have to be there.'
So Ole reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers,
'You see dat woman over dare wit her hand on da Bible, becoming President of da United States?'
The Senator whispers back, 'You bet I do.'
Ole says proudly, "Her brother played football for da Green Bay Packers."
Ole was telling Sven, "I jus bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four tousand dollars, but it's state of da art. It's perfect."
answered Sven, "What kind is it?"
Ole replied "Twelve turdy."Ole gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, I jus von da lottery! Pack your bags!"
Lena says, "Great! Vhat should I pack
for? Da ocean or da mountains?"
He says, "I don't care! Just be out by da end of da week!"
Ole is sitting at home alone when he
hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there.
He asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
Ole says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife, Lena.
The sheriff says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Ole says, " I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook. "
An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.
The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup. The doctor says, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman replies, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!".
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking:
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.
"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked,
"Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the crap inside!"
And now you know...
Norwegian IT Support
The world’s very first tech support person is shown on this rare video from centuries ago. You won’t want to miss the drama unfold as the technician effortlessly handles every difficult question from the user. Norwegian language film with subtitles.
Press here: Norwegian Midevil Help Desk
out of a coma for several months.
Yet Lena had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to,
he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered,
eyes full of tears, 'You know vat?
You have been vith me all tru da bad times.
Ven I got fired, you vere dare to support me.
Ven my business failed, you vere dare.
Ven I got shot, you vere by my side.
Ven we lost da house, you stayed right here.
Ven my health started failing, you vere still by my side...
You know vhat Lena?'
'What dear?' she gently asked,
smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I'm beginning to tink you're bad luck....'
Ole was hired to paint the yellow stripe down the highway.
first day he painted ten miles.
The second day he only painted five miles.
His boss, thinking that he was getting slower because he had started
off too hard on the first day, decided to give him a day off to rest.
But when Ole came back to work the next day,
he only painted half a mile.
So his boss asked, "Excuse me, but why have you been painting less and less each day, even after I gave you a day off?"
"Simple, " Ole answered.
"I've been getting furder avay from da paint can!"
Is There Baseball In Heaven?
Ole and Sven had been best friends for years, and they both live totheir early 90's,
when Ole suddenly falls deathly ill. Sven comes to visit him on
his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when Sven asks, "Listen, ven you die, do me a favor. I vant to know if
dare's baseball in heaven."
Ole said, "We've been friends for years, I'll do dis for you." And then Ole dies.
A couple days later, Sven is sleeping when he hears Ole's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is dat dare is indeed baseball in heaven."
"What is da bad news Ole?"
"You're pitching on Tursday."
Ole was driving home after picking up some lutefisk
& got caught in a really bad hailstorm..
His car, a blue AMC Pacer, was covered with dents,
so the next day he took it to a repair shop in Boyceville.
Sven, the shop owner, decided to have some fun...
He told Ole to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
& all the dents would pop out.
So, Ole went home, got down on his hands & knees & started
blowing into the tailpipe. Nothing happened.. So he blew a little
harder, & still nothing happened.
Lena saw him & asked, 'Vat are you doing?'
Ole told her how the repairman had instructed him to blow
into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Lena rolled her eyes & said,
'Ole, you need to roll up da vindows first.'
Ole stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what
seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down,
waggled again, but didn't start his back swing...
Finally his exasperated partner Sven asked,
'Vat in the Vorld is taking so long?'
'Lena is vatching me from da clubhouse balcony",
Ole explained. 'I vant to make a perfect shot.'
Sven said, 'You don't have a chance
in hell of hitting her from here..."
Ole and Sven went on an expensive fishing trip
and returned with only one fish.
"The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400," said Sven.
"Vell," replied Ole, "At dat price it's a good ting
we didn't catch any more."
What did the Swede say to the Norwegian at the breakfast table?
. . . "Hurry up and Finnish your Danish!
Ole was so excited to get a new cell phone, he decided to call when he was on his way home from town. He thumbed Lena's number as he turned on to the freeway.
"Lena put supper on, I'm on my vay home."
Lena says, "Be careful because I hear some nut is driving da wrong vay on da freeway."
"It's worse den dat Lena: where I'm at dare are a hundred cars going da wrong vay!"
Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could give birth to their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to inform him that he had some good news and some bad news. "The good news is that you have a normal baby boy. However, the baby will be delivered Caesarian."
Ole started crying: "Vell, I'm glad it is a healthy baby...but I vas kinda hoping it would be a Norvegian."
Honk if you love Jesus,
Text while driving if you want to meet him!
Ole and Sven were out on the lake fishing,
Ole says to Sven,
" Sven, I tink I'm going to leave Lena"
Oh? why is dat Ole?
"Vell Sven, she hasn't talked to me in nearly 2 months
and von't tell me vat I did."
After a few minutes, Sven says to Ole.
" Ole, I vould tink twice about dat,
woman like dat are hard to find"
tusen takk to Steve in Rush City, MN
A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.
It never smells and is always silent.
As a matter of fact I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here in your office.
You didn't know I was farting because it doesn't smell and is silent."
The doctor says,
"I see.. Take these pills and come back to see me next week".
The next week the lady returns.
"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly".
"Good," the doctor said.
"Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they
After fifteen minutes
, the two return, out
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen
But let's change positions. This time, I'll
"In Texas, it is a illegal to graffiti someone's cow"
Snapple fact #909
"It is not possible to tickle yourself"
Snapple fact #801
Meteorologists claim they're
right 85% of the time.
Snapple fact #912
Ya tink, or no?
Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day.
Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
Snapple fact #831
How come you never
see the headline:
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
(Snapple Fact #812)
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Snapple real fact #907
brings me closer
to the next home run."
How Smart is Your Right Foot?
1. While sitting down, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now while doing this, draw the number "6" with your right hand. Your foot will soon change direction.
Norwegian Math Test
A Norwegian fella, Ole, wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'
'Without numbers?' Ole says, 'Dat's easy.' and proceeds to draw three trees.
'What's this?' the boss asks.
'Vot! you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' says Ole.
'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'
Ole stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. 'Dar ya go.'
The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'
'Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.'
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, 'All right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'
Ole stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. 'Dar ya go.'
The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'
Ole leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, 'A little dog come along and pooped by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, vich makes von hundred.'
'So, ven do I start?
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it."
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Make Lefse - Not War!
Make Love - Not Lutefisk!
Know why people live in Minnesota, Iowa and Illinois?
So they can be closer to Wisconsin.
Bob Uecker, Baseball Announcer
How do I "pick" the right sign?
Cedarburg Maxwell Street Days
Uffdahhh Collectibles Booth
Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same."--Audrey Hepburn,
Academy Award-winning actress, humanitarian
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
Larry the cable guy
What do Eric the Red,
Tony the Tiger,
and Smokey the Bear
all have in common?
They have the same middle name.
Thanks Lee Olson in Marshfield
So Ole asks Sven, "Vy do scuba divers alvays fall backvards off dare boats?"
To which Sven replies,"Vell if dey fell forvards dey'd still be in da damn boat!"
thanks to Mrs. Michael Charles
Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt."
--Special Olympics motto
Everything you can imagine
Things are only impossible
until they're not."
"Star Trek: The Next Generation"
Go often to the house of a friend;
for weeds soon choke up the unused path.
-- Scandanavian Proverb
"Can't stand for no peekin!"
Little House on the Prairie
You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
former U.S. first lady
The German patient wanted to turn Polish, so the surgeon took out a piece of his brain.Thanks to Mark at the Iola Car Show
When he awoke from the surgery, the patient yelled "Uff da!".
The surgeon apologized for making him a Norwegian by taking too much out.
The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves."-- Helen Keller ,
'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.'
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Laughter is an instant vacation."
Wall Street is not a casino.
The drinks are free in a casino.
Near Plum Bottom Rd in Door County
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."
--Franklin D. Roosevelt,
32nd U.S. president
Sven and Ole got a job putting in telephone poles. After the first day, they were talking to the foreman. The forman asked how many poles they had put in.
"Two" said Ole.
"Only TWO?" Said the foreman, "All the other crews put in eight to ten."
"Yah!" Said Ole, "But did you see how much dey left sticking out?"
A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD:
Now I forgot what it was.
We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery."
If you get an email titled "Nude photos of Sarah Palin," don't open it.
It could contain a virus.
If you get an email titled "Nude photos of Nancy Pelosi," don't open it.
It could contain nude photos of Nancy Pelosi
American inventor and businessman
When humor goes, there goes civilization."
If you rest, you rust."--Helen Hayes,
First Celebrity Dies of Swine Flu!
And we know who the carrier is.....
When two men in a business always agree, one of them is unnecessary
Corduroy Pillows are Making Head Lines!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
founder of Ford Motor Co.
The way to get good ideas is to get lots of ideas, and throw the bad ones away."
Good ol' Wisconsin boy, trying to make it in Nashville.
Check out his songs. Our favorites are:
Potty Trained since 1960 & 1963!
Redneck Fire Detector
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful
Seize the moment. Remember all the women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.
No matter what business you're in, you can't run in place or someone will pass you by."
American college basketball coach
The most effective way to do it is to do it."
American aviation pioneer
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Widely but unofficially attributed to President Abraham Lincoln
When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
National Baseball Hall of Fame inductee
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."
You miss 100% of the shots you never take.
Wayne Gretzky, Canadian professional ice hockey player
It is every man's obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.
Albert Einstein, Nobel Prize-winning physicist
A man grows most tired when standing still."
Being "Green" in TN
Ever wonder what the back of Mt. Rushmore looks like?
So Ole was hiking in the mountains of Norway and he slips on a wet rock and he falls over the edge of a five-hundred-foot cliff, and he falls twenty feet and he grabs hold of a bush that's growing out of a rock. And there he is, he's hanging looking down at this deep fjord down below him -- certain death -- and his hands start to perspire and he starts to slip on this bush and he yells out, "Is anybody up dare?"
And he heard a deep voice rings out in the fjord, "I'm here, Ole. It's the Lord, Ole. Have faith. Let go of that bush and I will save you."
Ole looked down, and he looked up, and he says, "Is anyone else up dare?"What Color Is Her Purse?
Ole and Lars were working for the city public works department in Boyceville, WI. Ole would dig a hole and Lars would follow behind and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked Ole, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
Ole, the hole digger, wiped his brow and sighed, 'Vell, I suppose it probably looks odd because ve're normally a three-person team. But today Sven, who plants da trees called in sick.'
Elderly Road Trip
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal,they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, 'While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.'
July Iola,WI Auto Show
Fyr Bal - Summer Solstice Festival
Ephraim, Wisconsin's main festival is Fyr Bal, a Norwegian celebration held near the solstice in mid-June to drive out the "wicked winter witch" (www ?). A dozen bonfires burn along the shoreline as residents and visitors gather to celebrate the beginning of summer.
Here is an article in a recent Norway Post:
Ole lay dying in his bedroom.
He began to revive as he smelled the aroma of fresh lefse wafting through the house. Ole managed to gather is strength and crawled out to the kitchen. Just as he reached for a sample of Lena's lefse she slapped his hand and said,
"No Ole, don't you know dat's for da funeral"
Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced:
"HaVaii" or "HaWaii."
They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."
"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome," replies da Norvegian.
Two guys, Ole and Sven, are standing at the gates of heaven.
Trying to be friendly, Ole asks Sven, "So, how did you get here?"
Sven replies, "Hypothermia, how about you?"
"Well, "Ole said, "I vas sure my wife Lena vas cheating on me, so one day I came home early to catch her in da act. I searched da whole house, but dare vas no one dare. I felt so bad about da whole ting dat I had a massive heart attack.""Oh great, "said Sven, "If you vould've checked da freezer ve vould both be alive!"
One day Ole was home alone when the lady next door came over. "Ole, she said, would you please do me a favor and take off my blouse for me?"
Ole's face got a little red but he obliged her. "Now Olie would you please take off my skirt for me?"
Once again Olie obliged her. "Ok Ole take off my panties and bra."
Ole took the last two items off and tossed them aside his face now burning. She looked Ole in the eyes and said
"And don't let me catch you wearing my clothes again!"
Do it now!
Today will be yesterday tomorrow.
Dogs don't have nine lives - because they get it right the first time!
At the Crossville, TN Flea Market April 4th
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Naples, Florida.They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents.'
They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?'
There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis... Shake n, not stirred,and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please'
The four men stare at the bartender for a moment. Then look at each other... They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40 cents, please.' They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?'
'I'm a retired tailor from Boston,' the bartender said,
'and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.' Wow!!!! That's quite a story,' says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, 'What's with them?' The bartender says,
'Oh, they're all old retired farts from Wisconsin,
They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'
New! Get "Uff da!" and "Lutefisk" stuff like shirts, hats, calendars, dog items, etc. at:
We love collecting and selling old paper items like postcards, magazines, books, catalogs, booklets, farm manuals,etc.
WE RECYCLE HISTORY!
Go to our huge eBay store selling mostly historical postcards:
We've been selling on eBay since 1997. We spend the summer selling and buying at Wisconsin flea markets and farm shows.
We also metal nostolgic at outdoor summer shows in Wisconsin, including the big Iola auto show, Jefferson Auto Show, Cedarburg Maxwell Street Days, Shawano Flea Market, Mukwonago, Ringle, Wisconsin Dells, Edgar, Baraboo, and more
If you are an owner of a dog that belongs to a 'dangerous breed' category and you also have a small child please take this as a warning. Don't leave your dog with the child unattended under any circumstances.
Only a little moment was enough for the following to happen. See the photo below
Dog Lessons For People
If You Grew Up In Rural Wisconsin:
* You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.
A NORVEGIAN LOVE STORY of OLE and LENA
Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota . It vas springtime, and da lakes vas yust beginning to thaw.
Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some smokes. She asked him for some money, but he told her, 'Nah, yust put it on our tab'.
So she valked across, got da smokes at da yeneral store, den valked back home across da lake. Ven she got home and gave Ole his smokes, she asked him, 'Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da store. Why didn't you yust give me some money?'.
Ole replied, 'Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit any money ven I vasn't sure how tick the ice vas.'
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